


Because of You

by waywardjoy (CNK80Q3demoneyes)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Has Anger Issues, Feelings, Gen, Grief, Major bro moment, a single man tear, or two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:49:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23842582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CNK80Q3demoneyes/pseuds/waywardjoy
Summary: Dean’s hit his breaking point. Ready to give it all up. Sam finds him and tries to talk him down.Song fic, Because of You by Reba McEntire & Kelly Clarkson. I mixed lyrics into the dialog.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Because of You

_Stealing a moment alone, Dean pulls an old photo from his pocket. Taking a stuttered breath he confronts his deepest source of anger.___

_ __ _

_ __ _

“It always comes down to this. The world or us. Always us or them. Never easy, but always simple. I won’t let Sammy make the sacrifice. It’s my job to protect him. To watch out for Sammy. No matter the cost. Right, dad? At any cost.”

“I will not make the same mistakes that you did. I’m not obsessed like you. I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery. It’s just a job. I’m the best for it. You did that for me. But, I will not break the way you did. You fell so hard. Nothing else mattered. Revenge. I’ve learned the hard way to never let it get that far.

Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk. Fall in line. Keep Sammy safe. Be vigilant. Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt. Constant training. Turning me into your perfect little soldier. Shoot first, questions later.

“Because of you I avoid connections. Forget ever having the apple pie life. I keep my distance. Avoid knowing people. I refuse to let anyone in. I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me.

“I watched you die- I heard you cry every night in your sleep. You lost a wife. We lost our life. I watched you die in your sleep, slowly becoming someone else. Someone hard to recognize as the dad we once knew.

Dammit! I was so young. You should have known better than to lean on me. I was too young for you to lean on. To make me take care of you. To make me raise Sammy.

“You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain. You never saw me! I lost my mom! Sammy was just a baby! We needed you! We lost both of you that night.

“And now, I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing. You were all we had and you were never there. Was it worth it? Was any of this worth anything?! Because look at where it brought us! Full circle! The world is ending and I am the only one that can stop it. And because of you, I am afraid. “

_Crunching gravel is the only indication of his approach. Dean scrubs his eyes with his coat sleeve. Turns his back to his brother. Not ready to listen.___

_ __ _

_ __ _

“You don’t have to be afraid, Dean. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not letting you give up.

“I can’t do this without you. I need my big brother. Who else is going to look out for me? I lose my way and it’s not too long before you point it out. You’ve always been my conscience. My moral compass follows your example.

“I cannot cry because I know that’s a weakness in dad’s eyes. I’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life. To act like nothing can touch me. We’ve lost and sacrificed so much. My heart can’t possibly break when it wasn’t even whole to start with. But I am fine with that. Do you know why? Because of you.

“I never stray too far from the sidewalk. I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt. Because of you. You taught me how to tie my shoes. How to read. How to hunt. How to heal. How to survive. He never should have left us. You didn’t have to care for me so much. But you did. You always put me first.

“We were just little kids. I was so young. You should have known better than to lean on me. I was too young for you to lean on me. You needed someone stronger. I didn’t understand then. But now, I’m asking you to do try again. Please, lean on me. I won’t let you down this time.

“You never thought of yourself, you just saw his pain. My pain. You never saw you. I watched you die, bit by bit. I heard you cry every night in your sleep. You didn’t deserve that. You were just a boy. I watched you die in your sleep. I can’t lose you again. And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing.

“Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk. I never went hungry. I never missed having parents. Because of you. I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt. I learned compassion and honor. Because of this life, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. I trust you. Because of you, I am not afraid. Because of you, Dean. Stay for me. Let me carry you for once. We’ll find a way together. “

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, y'all!


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